The desire to archive

Grief is a novel experience for me, and it mostly feels strange - like I’m being pulled in completely different directions. Just 10 days after my mum passed away, I wrote this in my journal:

Grief is being able to rejoice in my daughter’s happiness one moment, then ugly crying in the car the next enroute to my mum’s house.

It is being able to sort through all her clothes without tears, but struggling to throw away the more than week-old bowl of soup we last shared that is still sitting in the fridge.

It is being afraid that this pain will never end, while being afraid this pain will end one day.

There’s so much unravelling and discovery happening in grief. It is a lot to process. But one thing that came out for me quite clearly was a fear of forgetting my mum - as ridiculous as it seems even as I’m typing this - the fear is very real. I knew I wanted a place to store stories of my mum so that I can revisit them any time, and share them with my daughter, nephew and niece when they are older.

Once it is ‘out there’ in the world wide web, I won’t lose it right?

This blog was started for that purpose. I hope to also share meaningful parts of my grieving process in the hopes of helping others going through the same.